Sometimes I like to share little things with you. Stuff I once wrote. Short stories, poems,... Now is one of these times.
Originally posted on my blog May 5th 2009:
I love Maureen Johnson, not only is she a brilliant writer but she also tweets the most amazing things! A couple of minutes ago she did a quick two-minute question answering tweet, and one of the questions she answered was this...
MAUREENJOHNSON: "@Marrije: 'What should I write a story about?' CAT PIRATES!"
The minute I saw that I was like 'let's make that a challenge for a new blog', so here we go... In the spur of the moment, and setting myself a time limit of 15 minutes... The Cat Pirates Short Story!
And that's how this little short story came to be.
Maybe a little disturbing.
But mainly quirky.
It was the moment that I felt the sun burning on my face that I realized again what happened. I had stranded on this little island yesterday night after the evil Dog Ninjas had attacked my ship with their missiles of doom they had send out from the coast of Tabitha. I had been on my way to Miss Swineflute with the Mouse Of Virginity statue she had lost earlier that month. It had took me weeks to find out where it was and I had to battle the most horrific beasts, humans I believe they are called, to be able to capture it. The pay was good though, she was handing out a whole block of cheese to the finder. But no… those damn Dog Ninjas had to attack me and steal the statue, therefor taking my block of cheese away from me as well.
My name is Patitzio by the way, Patitzio Ussi. One of the only pure blood cat pirates still alive, and now hopelessly lonely on this sandy beach with nothing but a crate to keep me company.
I decided to explore the island some more, after all I had to do something and sitting around was nothing for a true cat pirate! An hour later I had reached the other side of the island, but still I had seen nothing but bees, flowers and sand. I don’t like bees, they sting.
It was then that I decided to go a bit deeper into the forest, and not much longer after I went into the forest I bumped into Shavi. Shavi was a snake with twelve tongues and a slimy tail, she was hot I must confess, but not exactly my type.
I walked up to her and said ‘hey snakey, ya kno a way outta this shitty island?’ on which she replied ‘I only know what thou know too! -hisssss-’.
She was clearly mental, so I walked further. Those cokesniffing snakes are worth nothing.
After a while I bumped my foot. It turned out there was a lamp randomly on the floor, and when I picked it up I kinda saw my reflection. Vain as I am I rubbed the lamp to see myself a bit better – goth knows how I looked like after all I had been trough already – and suddenly a pink ghost appeared out of the lamp. He looked pretty gay.
‘Oh honeeeey, how fa-bu-lous do you look!’. Okay, he is gay.
‘Because you are clearly fierce, I grant you two wishes!’. If I had any anti-gay feelings they had now been removed, because hey! wishes!
‘Okay ghosty, I want a private jet with a flamethrower’. He shrugged his eyes, but not much later a private jet arrived on the beach. I jumped in it, for some reason the ghost followed me, and I took off.
I flew towards Tabitha, because of course I knew how to fly and I knew my way perfectly, and when I saw the coast I suddenly noticed the airship of the evil Dog Ninjas.
I realized quickly that this was the reason I oddly requested a flamethrower to be on the jet, and I burned the damn puppies to hell.
I landed the jet, got out, and suddenly realized that by burning down the airship I had also destroyed the statue of the Mouse Of Virginity. Bummer.
This could have been the end of the story, but gays always come to the rescue so suddenly the ghost popped his head out of the jet and said ‘Darling, you still have a wishy wish!’
Long story short, I wished that the ghost turned into a hot chick and I slaughtered Miss Swineflute. I took over her castle, settled there with my hot chick, and we ended up having ten fierce pirate cat babies. Epic win.